A Different Life

Shikin is 21 this year. She was born in Pahang, Malaysia to a Chinese-Indian family. She said she wanted to be a girl as far as she remembered. She played with gals and loved to dress up, in girls dresses of cos. She didn't tell me when she realised she wasn't a girl, but a boy. But she's not contented being a boy, so she fell out with her family and came to KL to work. Eventually, she discovered with her identity, it was hard for her to find a job that allowed her to be a girl. Employers always expected her to dress as a guy. It's hard being what she is, especially in a Muslim country i guess.

Shikin is the one on the left (._. )

I asked what her dream was, since she can't be in this trade forever. She said she wanted to save up enough money, to go for a sex change operation, and eventually one day get married, to a man of course, and mayb open up a shop. She told me happily that she has a boyfriend now, but he's married. He visits her regularly (every fortnight i think) and gives her some money.

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I asked the counsellor there, is it really that hard for them to find 'decent' jobs outside? I was told this was easy money compared to decent jobs like waitressing, and others when you have to work real hard, and earn much less. It's interesting, how people like Shikin can exist in societies that simply treat them as almost non-existent. I never truly felt their existance - sex workers and drug-users... until this trip. Are they seeking love? or just enjoying their decadence? when i spoke to shikin, i did not for one minute feel that she wasn't happy with what she was doing, she did sound sad when i asked her about her family. Being 21, I could almost sense a rebelliousness in her, and a hope... that one day, she will gather enough money to fulfill her dreams... like me, she has a dream - to be married as the wife of a man she loves. and yet, it's so much more difficult for her... i can no longer shut her off as someone who chose to be what she is. i can't seem to be able to figure, if given a choice, who would want to be in her situation? But the fact remains that she is in such a situation, and people in general find her hard to accept? the irony, is that, i was one of those who rejected people like her as freaks, but when i spoke to her, the impression was so real - it left such a deep impact in me....